Psychospy Report on Tyson Fight
[This report is probably off-charter for alt.conspiracy.area51
except that it took place in Las Vegas only one block away from
the Janet air terminal where workers commute to Area 51.]
Last night, Psychospy attended the Tyson-McNeeley fight at the MGM
Grand Arena in Las Vegas. The fight lasted 89 seconds for which
Mike Tyson was paid $25 million.
Fortunately, we did not actually go inside the arena, which would
have cost us a minimum of $200 for a back row seat. Instead, we
just stood outside and watched the limousines bringing in the
Famous People. There were a LOT of Famous People going to the
fight. Personally, we cannot tell a Famous Person from anybody
else, since they look like ordinary people to us. We knew they
were Famous only because the flash bulbs started popping and the
television cameras turned toward these people when they got out of
Since this is the first time we have ever attended a boxing fight
or an event where there were a lot of Famous People, we learned a
lot about America last night. Here are some of the things we
- Most of the Famous People in America are very tall black men.
They are men who do television commercials. They also do sports
of some sort, but what actually makes them Famous is commercials.
- Most of the Famous People in America have just one name. The
big crowd of unfamous people outside the arena called out each
Famous Person's name as he passed from his limousine into the
arena. We forget most of the names now, but someone named "Shack"
was there who everybody got really excited about because he does a
LOT of commercials. Everybody also got excited about a "Sinbad",
although he wasn't tall so we couldn't get a good look at him
through the crowd.
- Only a few Famous People in America are white. They are not
tall and they usually have two names, like "Don Johnson," "Bruce
Willis" and other two-part names called out by the crowd that
we have now forgotten. These white, short, two-named Famous
People are mostly Famous for memorizing scripts and pretending to
be other people on TV and in movies.
- A lot of people who arrived in limousines were not Famous, and
the crowd seemed disappointed when they got out, as though they
were taking up space that should have been used by a Famous
Person. These Not Famous People were both black and white, tall
and short. Some of them seemed vaguely Famous, but no one in the
crowd could call out their one or two names.
- Nearly all of the women who came in limousines wore very small
and very tight dresses. You could see their bosoms poking out of
the top of their dresses, but not the whole bosom, just the round,
puffy part on top. The idea seemed to be to show as much of the
bosom as you could and make it appear as puffy as possible without
showing the whole thing.
- Although we did not see this fight actually take place, we have
seen other boxing fights on television. The goal of a fight is to
beat up the other person until he can't stand up, so he eventually
loses his teeth, breaks his nose and suffers brain damage. This
is legal to do in America as long as it is in a big arena where a
lot of people are watching who have paid a lot of money.
- In America, if a Famous Person is convicted of a crime, like
Mike Tyson was, it makes him even more Famous and more rich. Once
you get out of jail, you will get a lot money for fighting people
who don't stand a chance of beating you up. Presumably, you also
get to do a lot more commercials.
- If a Famous Person is convicted of a crime, then is paid $25
million to beat up someone, protesters will picket outside the
arena with signs that read, "Rape is not a Sport." The protesters
will look insignificant, though, compared to all the Famous People
arriving in their limousines. The protesters will be shown on
television, where they will look much bigger, but this will only
help make the convicted Famous Person even more rich and Famous.
- People in America, especially Famous People, are willing to pay
a lot of money to see another convicted Famous Person beat up
someone who doesn't stand a chance. In fact, they are willing to
pay between $8089 and $161,797 per hour to watch the beating up
take place. According to the newspapers this morning, many people
at the fight were disappointed that it lasted only 89 seconds.
They wanted the beating up to go longer so they would get more of
it for their money.
August 20, 1995
(c) 1995, Glenn Campbell, PO Box 448, Rachel, NV 89001