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How to spot an alien [Humor]

From: Brent Maxwell 
Date: Sun, 19 Jan 1997 19:29:50 -0800
Subject: How to spot an alien [Humor]

I thought this was humorous...

Date: Sun, 19 Jan 1997 02:10:08 -0500 (EST)
Subject: Laugh Of The Day - Sun, Jan 19 1997

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*File Description: *


(This article has been attributed to a number of different sources,
mostly tabloid magazines, but apparently the real author is concealing
his identity. Probably for fear of alien retaliation.)

Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human --
but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say
experts. They listed 10 signs to watch for:

  1. Odd or mismatched clothes. "Often space aliens don't fully
     understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that
     are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a
     tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers," noted Brad Steiger, a
     renowned UFO investigator and author.

  2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might eat
     French fries with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills,
     the experts say.

  3. Bizarre sense of humor. Space aliens who don't understand earthly
     humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell
     jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.

  4. Takes frequent sick days. A space alien might need extra time off
     to "rejuvenate its energy," said Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical
     biologist and futurist.

  5. Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. "Aliens are constantly
     gathering information," said Steiger.

  6. Misuses everday items. "A space alien may use correction fluid to
     paint its nails," said Steiger.

  7. Constant questioning about customs of co-workers. Space aliens
     who are trying to learn about earth culture might ask questions
     that seem stupid, Easton said. "For example, a co-worker may ask
     why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July," noted

  8. Secretive about personal lifestyle and home. "An alien won't
     discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or
     on weekends," said Steiger.

  9. Frequently talks to himself. "An alien may not be used to
     speaking as we do, so it may practice speaking," Steiger noted.

 10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain
     high-tech hardware. "An alien may experience a mood change when a
     microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.

The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if
not all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a
space alien.

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